Amelia Cossentino

1. “Would you still not love me if I were a worm?”
2. “Have you asked Groog if she likes having her hair pulled?”
3. “So what are you doing after evading the question of what you're doing after college?”
4. “Also I grind my teeth at night.”
5. “Well don't come crying to me when A.I. replaces your job.”
6. “But realistically? Finance.”
7. “There's not much about the AI debacle that hasn't already been said by AI.”
8. “Let them cook.”
9. “Howdy, associate.”
10. “I was born in the wrong twenty-four hours.”
11. The end is profitable
12. “You wanna have a fistfight so they start calling this contemporary music?”
13. “Hamlet, cast off thy nighted colors. All-black is only fashionable in the City.”
14. “Where's the one who doesn't care about crypto?”
15. “Someone.... not trying.........to sell me something......”
16. “Okay guys — I want you to play this so well nobody notices I'm using clarinet Sarah's pet snake as a baton.”
17. “Wonder who it's fr— oh, just the IRS.”
18. “I've brought you all back here because I just thought of a response to the argument we were having.”
19. “Together we've created four thousand jobs that society continues to disrespect.”
20. “Eh, still not the weirdest-named coffee place in the Village.”
21. “And then the middle class..... disappeared!”
22. “I didn't use you for sex. You weren't useful.”
23. “Now you get out there and play that thing like you're old enough to conceptualize how much private lessons cost.”
24. “I don't know man, they're already having a hell of a year.”
25. “Philip, I love you! Don't get on that dog!”
26. Schroeder plays John Cage
27. “You will then each get five insults to respond.”
28. “I'm not dumb, I'm just bad at standardized tests and not dying out.”
29. “I don't know who needs to hear this, but order 409?”
30. “I just got out of my everything shower and now I'm having my everything dread session.”
31. “I couldn't change them, but no one said anything about box dyeing them fuchsia.”
32. “It's crazy that the starlight we see today is from stars that were poorly drawn by a third-grader.”
33. “I blame DEI.”
34. “And we're proudly equal-opportunity: this internship will be unpaid no matter your race, gender or creed.”
35. “'Salve regina?' I always thought it said 'Starbucks Lovers.'”
36. “Now all I need is something to remember.”
37. “Was I too forward?”
38. “What do you mean you don't remember?”
39. “And the end is nigh, so we'll just wait a few minutes for it to hop on.”
40. “You have, all things considered, completely normal-sized shoes to fill.”
41. “So are you guys shutting down, or....?”
42. “And lastly, how do you incorporate a commitment to diversity and inclusion into your daily life? Because we're honestly not sure.”
43. “It's just, historically you haven't needed me to get everything you wanted.”
44. “That's nothing, try this Gen Alpha meme.”
45. “I was getting so tired of green.”
46. “That's where we keep the resumes submitted online.”
47. “Forget him, I'm holding out for this Great Pumpkin guy.”
48. “Father, I'm leaving the Shire to seek the Ring and lower rent.”
49. “I'm fine with dying, just not for this administration.”
50. “Sorry, but we want someone with at least a year of experience getting rejected from this job.”
51. “Could you just tell me when I'm about to die?”
52. “But you never just call me!”
53. “Ugh, I do not feel like getting up today.”
54. “Sorry, I'm trying to keep my outside time to under three hours a day.”
55. “So I could make cartoons of what it's like to be a parent, why does anyone do it?”
56. “What have you been told to say is your favorite?”
57. “Actually I'm the lawyer and my husband is the journalist.”
58. “Are the microplastics in this ethically sourced?”
59. “Will the new social media site destroy your brain? Download it and use it religiously for the next ten years to find out.”
60. “What, you thought that job payed year-round?”
61. “...and this is the very dorm room where Mark Zuckerberg created a women-rating site that would eventually become a woman-surveilling megatrust!”
62. “EAT A FIG! EAT A FIG!”
63. “It would actually be 'swim with the fish,' in this case.”
64. “Get ready with me as I show you an idealized version of my life that makes you feel like a total failure while also keeping you helplessly addicted to my content.”
65. Jaws
66. “Well Jim, you ate the job!”
67. “We've covered Santa and the Easter Bunny, is it time for fundamental rights?”
68. “As per my last cry, Wolf.”
69. “Could I get that back?”
70. “It's not in the arm so much as in the need to feel youthful post retirement.”
71. “I feel like nothing is happening.”
72. “That's just the tip.”
73. “Looks like we're almost to California!”
74. “Sweet, I get to claim you on my taxes.”
75. “Is this anything?”
76. “The company is going down under.”
77. “We've recently had to change our rates.”
78. “And no talking about the Supreme Court at this thing. There are two whole branches we're sleeping on.”
79. “This town ain't big enough for us to avoid awkward social interactin'.”
80. “It can't get stolen.”
81. “Now you will remain there until you're ready to start goofing off in class.”
82. Swaddle laws
83. “Ooh, a black-ruffled female trombonist — extremely rare in the wild.”
84. “You wouldn't have been able to afford rent here anyway.”
85. “They're not essential workers.”
86. “What core is it when you've given up entirely?”
87. “We met on a deaf date.”
88. “They weren't classified.”
89. “I never said I didn't want a girlfriend who was funny, just one who wouldn't make me aware of it.”
90. “I'm not denying biological reality. I'm transcending it.”
91. “It's not a production issue, it's a supply chain issue.”
92. “You could take that off, they don't seem to care anymore.”
93. Bless this mess
94. “Whatever, all our kids will end up at the same school.”
95. “Trend cycle moved on again, huh?”
96. “Isn't it romantic that we're both looking up at the same industrial smog right now?”

Show all 96 cartoons